


on america and escapism

by yhighon



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I have no idea how to tag this lmao, Minor Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto/Togami Byakuya, Saihara Shuichi-centric, Some sort of AU, shuichi has a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26827660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yhighon/pseuds/yhighon
Summary: he’s here for some sort of investigation, something kirigiri had asked for his help with, but he’s already looked into what he needed to, and now he’s just walking around the pier of an ugly american city.he’d followed her here, after she’d asked for his help on a case she was working. he’s not sure why she asked, because he’s almost certain that she doesn’t really need his help, but he’s happy to have something to do, other than sitting in a dark apartment, staring at his phone in the hopes of seeing his not-boyfriend’s name appear on the cracked screen.(in which shuichi goes to work a case with kyoko kirigiri in order to escape his relationship problems.)
Relationships: Kirigiri Kyoko & Saihara Shuichi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	on america and escapism

shuichi is cold. the wind makes his hair whip around his face (a sign it’s gotten too long), and he turns up the music louder, trying to drown out his surroundings.

he’s here for some sort of investigation, something kirigiri had asked for his help with, but he’s already looked into what he needed to, and now he’s just walking around the pier of an ugly american city.

he’d followed her here, after she’d asked for his help on a case she was working. he’s not sure why she asked, because he’s almost certain that she doesn’t really need his help, but he’s happy to have something to do, other than sitting in a dark apartment, staring at his phone in the hopes of seeing his not-boyfriend’s name appear on the cracked screen.

but kokichi doesn’t call, never calls, and shuichi can’t bring himself to dial him, knowing that he’ll just end up with a disappointing voicemail and a feeling of being ripped apart by his own emotions. can’t bring himself to dial any of the rest of his friends, either. kaede has been busy traveling the world for her music, and kaito and maki are so busy with themselves that shuichi has been actively avoiding them.

so when kirigiri called, telling him that she needs his help for a case, in america no less, he gets on the plane with her and he goes. because it’s better than waiting for something that isn’t coming.

it’s selfish, but shuichi almost hopes that kokichi comes back while he’s gone. then, he will have to call him, because shuichi never leaves. never goes anywhere, just waits for him to come back.

to kokichi’s credit, he always comes back. but shuichi is always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the day when kokichi calls, not because he’s coming back, but because he isn’t.

shuichi isn’t sure he could handle that.

he’d gotten a cat, something kaede suggested after he’d called her, lonely and on the edge of something desperate. it’s a small black cat, named miko. the shelter had named her, and shuichi hadn’t had the creativity to change it. 

the cat helped, as much as shuichi was loath to admit it. he’d managed to ask kirumi to take care of miko while he was in america, and he assumed it was going okay. she hadn’t reported any problems while he’d been away, so he didn’t worry about it. he’d have to figure out some way to thank her later.

his phone buzzes with a text and for a hopeful, fleeting moment, shuichi thinks it’s kokichi, finally coming back from his latest ~~bender~~ adventure. but it’s just kirigiri, asking what he’s managed to find at the pier.

he pockets his phone without responding for now, turning up his music impossibly louder. he’s damaging his hearing, he knows, but he can’t even bring himself to care. it’s the only thing keeping him tethered to the pier, tethered to his body.

he continues walking along the pier until he comes to a railing, and he leans on it, even though it creaks slightly with his weight added to it. the cold metal leeches whatever heat he has left, but he doesn’t take his arms away, leans into it more, without putting his full weight into it in fear of breaking it and making it fall over the side.

shuichi can feel his eyes water, but he isn’t sure if it’s the cold or if his brain is finally catching up with the emotions he keeps locked away.

it isn’t even winter yet, but shuichi is cold. it’s only october, the fall air deigning to be crisp and unbreathable, unlike the oppressive summer heat that had been in the air a month ago.

shuichi would rather be cold than suffocate in the heat, anyways.

he isn’t sure how long he stands there, thinking about the case he’s supposed to be working, about kokichi, wondering what kaede is doing (he’s pretty sure she’s in london right now). it’s not until someone comes to stand next to him that he stops thinking and realizes that he’s probably been standing there, staring out at the harbor, for a while, longer than he should.

“you alright?” kirigiri says next to him, her gloved hands coming to rest on the railing, next to shuichi’s forearms. “you didn’t answer my text.” 

“i’m fine.” shuichi says, moving his arms away from the railing. his fingers are stiff.

kirigiri stares at him for a second, and shuichi tries not to feel exposed under her analytical gaze, but she relents after a moment, looking out over the harbor. shuichi turns with her, grateful to not be under the spotlight.

“let’s get a drink.” kirigiri says, and shuichi agrees easily, following her away from the pier.

they end up at some bar by the harbor, slightly rundown but they’ve both been to worse places. they find a table in the corner, order drinks. they sit in silence for a moment, before kirigiri breaks it.

“what did you find at the pier?” kirigiri asks, and it’s embarrassing how long it takes shuichi to remember any sort of information he’d found. kirigiri is about to say something else, but he cuts her off, starts talking.

he tells her about the witness he’d met, about how it was probably just another run of the mill mruder case.

it’s only as he’s telling all of this to kirigiri that he realizes she already knew all of this. she didn’t need his help. he’d already suspected that she could've done it on her own, but this almost proves it. he wants to ask her why she brought him out here.

he says nothing, instead just keeps talking about the case. they go over the rest of the details and get a list of suspects before kirigiri’s phone rings.

“hey.” she says into the phone, and shuichi awkwardly sits across from her while she talks on the phone. to her credit, she makes it quick, before hanging up and putting her phone back into her jacket pocket.

“so, where are you staying, saihara?” she asks him, and shuichi tries to think of the hotels he’s seen around, but she doesn’t let him get far. “here, you can come with me to find a room at the holiday inn i saw.” 

they leave the bar after that, and after shuichi gets his bag, they drive to the holiday inn in kirigiri’s rental car. shuichi watches the lights go by outside the window as they drive through downtown. 

shuichi is silent for the car ride, and she hits a button on the radio that has some sort of american pop playing, but the volume is low enough that it isn’t grating on his ears. surprisingly, kirigiri hums along to the song as they drive.

they eventually come to the holiday inn, and she parks the car and they walk into the hotel. 

“hello, do you have a reservation?” the receptionist asks. 

“no, we don’t. we were hoping to book something for tonight?” kirigiri says, and shuichi stands next to her, trying not to feel like a child.

“okay. so, one king-sized bed?” the receptionist asks, typing on her computer.

“uh, no, actually, two rooms please.” shuichi says from behind kirigiri, and the receptionist looks at them for a moment, before realizing her mistake.

“oh, my apologies, i thought you were together.” she says, and then types something else on her keyboard. “okay, that will be $124.98, miss.” 

kirigiri hands her the card and shuichi does the same afterwards. they collect their room keys and make their way to the elevator, bags in hand. 

shuichi’s floor is first, so he gets off, but turns when kirigiri calls his name.

“hey, saihara. get some sleep.” she says, and he has just enough time to nod before the elevator doors close.

shuichi goes back to his hotel room, and proceeds to try and shower, but he ends up just standing under the spray, letting the lukewarm water wash over his shoulders. 

he pretends that the water coming down his cheeks is from the shower.

he isn’t sure how long he stands there, but eventually he turns the water off, dries off, puts on clothes, and lays in the hotel bed, curled up on his side.

the curtains are open, and he knows that he’ll regret not closing them in the morning. for now, he’s enjoying the city lights he can see from where he’s curled up on the bed. 

his phone rings, just as he’s about to fall asleep. his fingers fumble for it, trapped under his body. as soon as he sees the caller id, he hits accept.

“kokichi?” he says, trying to ignore how his voice cracks.

“hey, shuichi!” kokichi says, in his usual teasing voice. “did you finally manage to leave your apartment? i came by, but you weren’t here!” 

shuichi tries to ignore the push, but it hurts, just a little bit.

“i can’t always just be waiting for you to come back.” shuichi says, trying to keep his tone light but failing, as his grip on his phone tightens with the pit in his stomach.

“come on, shumai, i wasn’t gone that long!” kokichi says with a laugh, and shuichi resists the urge to hang up, or throw his phone across the room, or both. 

he’s waited so long for kokichi to call, for kokichi to act like he gives a shit, but the other man has never been anything but false confidence and lies, jokes to cover up how he really feels. it makes shuichi want to kill him, force him to sit down until he spills, finally tells the truth for once in his life.

“i’m in america.” shuichi says, desperate for a change in subject. 

“why?” he says, and shuichi can detect some sort of genuine emotion in his voice, as if he’s afraid shuichi is going to stay in america, instead of coming back to japan.

“kirigiri wanted my help on a case.” shuichi says, leaving out that he’s almost certain kirigiri only asked him to help her because she thinks he’s a charity chase. he thinks she’s probably right.

“oh.” kokichi says. shuichi selfishly wants him to ask when he’ll be back, but he knows he won’t. knows that asking questions like that is too close to the surface, too close to the truth.

they sit in silence for a moment, neither of them really sure how to either continue or end the conversation. shuichi hates this part, their fumbling attempts at talking to each other.

“well, you should probably sleep, shumai. it’s late there, right?” kokichi says, breaking the silence. 

“okay, kokichi.” he says, and they say their goodbyes before hanging up, and shuichi buries his face into the duvet, somehow feeling worse than before. 

he isn’t sure how he falls asleep, but he wakes up the next morning, regardless, to the unforgiving hotel bed. the curtains let in sunlight, and he squints against it, bringing a hand up to shield his eyes as he moves to the bathroom.

the mirror is unforgiving. his eyes are puffy from crying, and his dark circles are somehow worse. stupidly, he feels like kirigiri will be disappointed.

he puts his hat on, pulls it down over his eyes, and heads out to meet kirigiri in the lobby.

she meets him once he steps off of the elevator, handing him one of the coffee cups in her hands.

“thanks.” he says, taking the cup from her. he starts to feel a little better as he sips at it, and less like he’s just risen from the dead. 

he can feel her eyes on him, but he avoids her gaze, looking at the ugly hotel carpet instead. he half expects her to say something about his appearance, but she doesn’t.

“well, we should probably talk to the other witnesses today, talk to the suspect.” kirigiri says, and shuichi nods. they leave the hotel and get back into her rental car, pulling out of the parking lot and into the street.

shuichi tries not to think about it, but it’s been in the back of his mind, ever since he’d landed and she’d given him an overview of the case.

“why did you invite me here?” he asks her, once they’ve been driving for a few minutes.

“i told you, i need your help on this case.” she says easily, turning left at the stoplight.

“you’re one of the best detectives in the world.” shuichi says, unable to keep the accusing tone out of his voice. “this isn’t a very complicated case.” 

“perhaps you overestimate me.” she says, and shuichi explodes.

he isn’t sure what he actually says, what is actually coming out of his mouth. he can’t believe he’s yelling at kyoko kirigiri right now, someone he’s hoped to work with for as long as he’s been a detective. he’s aware of himself saying things like “charity case” and “you think i’m pathetic” and he might be crying, hot, angry tears that aren’t even directed at her.

eventually, he runs out of things to say, and he sits there, breath ragged like he’d just run three miles. kirigiri doesn’t say anything for a moment, and shuichi knows he’s fucked up, she’s gonna pull over and tell him to get the fuck out, to go back to japan and back to his shitty life.

“saihara.” she says, and shuichi flinches. 

“i’m sorry.” shuichi says before she can say anything else. “that’s not even directed at you, i’m sorry. you don’t deserve that. i’m sorry.” 

he goes to keep apologizing, but she cuts him off.

“it’s okay, saihara.”

they don’t talk, after that. kirigiri doesn’t address his outburst, and shuichi can lock it all away while they’re working the rest of the case. and if he feels more alone than ever, kirigiri doesn’t need to know. doesn’t need to know that he’s been bottling up every emotion he’s felt for months on end. doesn’t need to know that yelling at her was the most cathartic thing he’s done in months.

eventually, the case ends, and they go back to japan. kirigiri leaves the airport with naegi and togami, (after extracting a promise to go see someone from shuichi) and shuichi heads back to his empty apartment alone, sending a text to his not-boyfriend.

_want to come over?_

**Author's Note:**

> uhhh yeah this needed to get out of my drafts or it was just gonna get reedited to hell and never get finished. 
> 
> but also, there is a criminally low amount of kyoko & shuichi content. pls let the two ultimate detectives be friends. pls.


End file.
